did a few things here and there, but a little unhappy about some of them.
i've decided that i'm going to make a few changes and work on a couple of things.
here's my list (alas in no particular order)
- i'm tired of having people tell me what to do CONSTANTLY.
i have a friend (i will not be naming names and if you happen to come across this and know what i'm talking about then perhaps it's you i'm referring to) who deliberately belittles my existance. every time i'm with her she wants to know the exact details of my life. there are some things i don't want to discuss and have kept secret because GDit i want to keep it to myself! there was a certain individual of a certain celebrity (no. not that one) who i may or may not have had a relationship with and her question to me was - "why would they pick you?". i don't know. why WOULDN"T they pick me? should they not pick me because i'm fat? because i'm short? because i'm an interesting lady of latina descent who loves to knit and write and garden and follow the beat of my own drum? why the hell NOT? i happen to make the guy laugh. he lights up whenever he sees me. he GIGGLES whenever something random flies out of my mouth. i don't bow down to him. i'm not like the other girls. THAT is EXACTLY why ME!
and not only that, i've lost weight here and there and i feel pretty damn good about myself. her response? well, you look the same to me. or when i want to do something, she has a page and a half reason why we shouldn't do it.
i understand there was a time when her company was comforting and needed, but lately i feel she's only doing this because she's bored with her own life. she has accomplished pretty much everything she has set out to do so why not try to make someone else's life the way she wants it. a few years ago, she tried it with another friend of mine and was not successful. in fact, this friend really doesn't want to do anything with me if she's around.
so as much as i hate losing friends, i don't believe i want to continue this ongoing 2 decade relationship with something who has such a toxic personality.
- i need to learn to say "no" sometimes. (get your mind(s) out of the gutter)
i like helping people. i like doing things for people. sometimes i don't speak up. therefore making people think i'm a pushover. "oh, dolly will probably do it. just ask her." kind of thing. not quite so. i say "no", but sometimes i choose not to because i believe in karma and feel that people will help me out when i need them. so far this isn't so. not everyone likes to return the favor.
so as much as i'm going to hate it, i'll only say "no" to the ones i know won't help me out later.
- change the channel sometimes
i mean this from an overall standpoint. i want to do things that will make me happy. if i do things i thought would make me happy and don't, i won't take it personally. it was worth a shot. it was my choice.
i'm not going to place all my bets on one table. i'm going to breathe and take a look at the bigger picture.
don't like the show? just change the channel.
if that makes any sense.
here's a picture:
(now don't get too frightened...)
heh.
