then i stumbled upon this gem:
(note: i did not write this, but i found it hella funny)
DEEE-LISHIUS PLUM CAKE!
A recipe I just made up
And have never baked.
Be the first to try it!
NOTE: I am no chef,
Neither do I have a
Culinary education
But you can stuff it,
Biznatch.
Stuff to get:
6 Plums
3 cups of brown sugar
1⁄4 regular sugar
4 tablespoons of honey
2 tablespoons of cinnamon
Some maple syrup
4 cups of flour
A tablespoon of baking soda
3 eggs
Your mom
2 teaspoons of vanilla
Some crushed almond
Some chocolate chips, why not?
2 tablespoons of butter
0 tablespoons of margarine, screwball
1/5 cup of shredded carrot, it’s good for the eyes
Dr. Pepper
Chocolate frosting, duh
Blueberries (stick with me…)
The Pope
Blue and red food dye
What to do!:!:!:
Punch yourself in the chest
Pre-heat the oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit, I guess.
Cut up the plums into little bits, like a ninja. But not the pit. That’s gross. No.
Mix the bits with the flour, eggs, both sugars, butter, vanilla, cinnamon, baking soda, almonds, and honey. Then add the food coloring and mix again. Not for the color, but because I love the taste of dye. That’s why I suck on two dollar bills. The super powers are just an added bonus.
Grease yourself up a pan, and put all the stuff inside or whatever, and bake that bitch like a lefty hippie with ten minutes to kill before their anthropology exam.
Er, how long? I dunno, an hour? That seems about right. It’s ready when you poke a toothpick inside and it comes up clean. Make sure part of the toothpick breaks off inside so that way somebody will bite down on it with their stupid gums, and you can laugh at their pain.
Mix chocolate frosting with the syrup, and a bit of dr. pepper, but don’t make it too loose. Just enough. Leave it in the frige to let it kind of settle together. When the cake comes out frost it in this.
Put blueberries on the top, if anybody calls it a blueberry cake, bitchslap them right in the neck. It’s a DEEEE-LISHIUS plum cake, not a fucking boo berry piece of crap, get yourself a hostess pie of you want blueberry so god damn much. Jerk.
Eat it, eat it with a animal passion, like it’s the cure for your misdirected, meaningless, Plan C life. Make lots of guttural sound and crying when you eat.
SAVE LEFTOVERS FOR THE OFFICE, BE A HIT AT THE BOSS’S PARTY, PHOTOCOPY YOUR KNICKERS!
Mix the Pope with your Mom, and I sold the video on the internet, bitch.
i thought it was hilarious.
what!
and now a picture a friend text me and woke me up out of a sound sleep but omg i didn't want to sleep after i saw it...
